Great Conference

Doug & I just got back from the first session of a two-day conference by Paul Tripp -- Getting to the Heart of Parenting.  Wow! - great stuff and convicting!  I try not to get too excited about people - star struck or any of that - because they're just people who are just like the rest of us.  But, I have to admit it is exciting to me to be in the room with Paul Tripp hearing him speak in person a few feet away.  Not because I idolize him, but because I have loved and learned so much from his books and writings and respect him and what he has to say.  We're hoping to be able to thank him in person tomorrow.  


Some of the main points:

• Deuteronomy 6 shows that God designed the family to be a primary learning community (a theological community, sociological community and a redemptive community)

• We and our children are born loving ourselves and desire to be the center of the universe.  Lasting change always travels through the pathway of the heart.  The heart is the target, not the behavior.  Behavior is controlled by the heart -- “No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit.  Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers.  A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of." - Luke 6:43-45

• Parents must be an instrument of seeing.  Help our children see their heart and motives, because we can often be deceived by our hearts or blind to our own heart condition. (see heart questions below)

• Parents must begin with their own hearts.  No one gives grace better than one who knows how much he needs it.  If you don't change your heart, you will tend to: turn moments of ministry into moments of anger, personalize what is not personal, be adversarial in your response (not for your children, against them), settle for quick situational solutions that don't get to the heart of the matter.  It takes self-sacrificing love to teach self-sacrificing love.

3 top used strategies that just attempt to exchange one behavior for another without dealing with the heart:

• Threats 
• Manipulation/Bribes (if you do this, I'll give you this) - just teaches the child how to keep loving himself by doing what it takes to get what he wants.
• Guilt

5 Heart Questions:

• What was going on?
• What were you thinking and feeling while it was happening? (addresses the heart)
• What did you do in response? (addresses behavior and that the heart condition leads to a type of behavior)
• Why did you do it, what were you seeking to accomplish? (addresses motives)
• What was the result? (addresses consequences - reaping what you sow)

     
Very hard to summarize it all.  There was so much good stuff and Paul did a great job of articulating it all and filling it all out.  Looking forward to tomorrow.